Decades ago, when I was a traveling therapist, I used to work holidays because I got paid more. Also, if I'm being honest, I didn’t mind working because the affordances of holiday socializing were painful, uncomfortable, and difficult during that season of my life. 

Affordances are about possibilities. While studying industrial design I learned affordance from a design purview: to design for the whole sum of a person’s goals, beliefs, past experiences, and physical capabilities. The initial theory is based on science. Perceptual learning is an aspect to becoming a capable human being.  

The lesson: our social environment isn’t just a physical concept. It is the immediate physical surroundings, but it’s also the power relations, social inequities, and personal perceptions. Working your social and emotional skills, then applying those with deliberate connection, helps us experience meaning in life through relationships.

The idea of changing your social habits as a giver or a taker conversationalist is one direction you might experiment with today. If you’re in a social-emotional pinch, below are a few immediate actionable strategies. 

• “Reset” with a physical action, such as splashing water on your face, changing your shirt, touching a pendant or a meaningful object that gives you a feeling of resilience.

• Change environments for a brief time i.e. a walk around the block, the bathroom, etc. 

• Ground yourself in reality by naming facts or objects within your immediate surroundings.

• Broaden the dynamics of the conversation with active listening. 

• Have a crucial conversation. Start with identifying a shared purpose - what you’re both working towards - then emphasize similarities and relatedness.