Two Oxford psychologists wrote “The Rules of Friendship” back in the 1980’s. They determined that the most stable friendships involve six characteristics: 

1. stand up for each other in each other’s absence, 

2. trust and confide in one another, 

3. emotionally support each other, 

4. offer help when needed or required, 

5. convey support towards happiness, 

6. and keep up-to-date on positive life developments. 

Other predictors of relationship quality report a similar focus on effort. Committing to effort, rather than results, can make a big difference in relationships — and just about anything you do to create and maintain a quality of life. 

When you orient yourself towards your ability to make an ongoing effort, it creates a roadmap for sustainability. It also helps you hone in on what’s realistic — and possible.

Having a clear sense of purpose and priorities will make committing easier. You’ll understand what’s possible and why you’re acting a certain way. That will help you build self-determination and help protect your energy from things that distract or derail you from the task at hand. You’ll develop what you want to experience. 

This week, try to notice if what you are doing is something you can endure over time. This link includes a few guided steps to experiment with sustainability. Or you can follow this activity:

1. Write one action/practice you’re currently focused on doing.

2. Can you realistically do this for a long time? Consider both your values and any competing demands.

3. What behavior/task is (or will) help develop that action (here’s a list for help)? Write that down.

4. How can you measure the effort of that behavior? How will you know what you’re doing is working?